Stay-at-Home Dad Survival Guide

Can we play now?

Thursday, 12 November 2009 19:20

How about now? Now? Can we play now?

It's hard to get anything done with a four-year-old around.

Bedwetting

Thursday, 09 April 2009 13:11

I'm at a loss.

After three days of success without the pull-up, he sprung a leak.

A bath and a change of sheets in the middle of the night.

There's some alarm do-hickey which is set off by moisture. It's supposed to work, but I don't want to pay the money and it doesn't sound like fun. We'd still be waking up in the middle of the night.

We're so close to getting diaper-like trash out of our lives. So close.

It's a total pisser.

When your kid goes online

Sunday, 21 December 2008 15:04

This could be a book in itself, well, a handbook.

The seven-year-old was on my computer this morning. Mostly he wants to play games, but he expressed in interest in coming here, to my site.

This is problematic.

The wife has already delivered feedback, that is to say, rebuttal, to a few of my posts. I'm afraid what Thing 1 would think if he knew I was chronicling the challenges we face in his care and feeding.

My wife's cousin arrived yesterday for a three-day stay. I love it when she comes to visit. Not only is she charming and fun, she fully engages the kids, giving me a chance to recharge my batteries. I took a nap until bedtime and finally got a good rest. I did wake up at 3:45, yet these days I consider five hours of continuous sleep a godsend.

She brought gifts, good cheer, and also a hard copy of an early draft of my screenplay. Thing 2 found it and scattered the pages across the floor. Thing 1 started reading it. There's stuff I write I don't want him to read. Do I censor myself and only write things appropriate for a 7-year-old? Do I continue to prevent him from reading the stuff I write? Or do I explain that sometimes adults use words such as shit piss cunt cocksucker motherfucker and tits for effect, as a humorous device or rhythmic placeholder.

"Sentence enhancers," is what Spongebob calls them, I believe.

Right now, I just call them trouble.

Best Dad Ever or Bad SAHD

Friday, 19 December 2008 19:40

We've had snow here for the last few days which means plenty of snowballs and snow-fort building. It also means very little time to get any "work" done. There's almost no chance of finding a "real" job, during the holidays, and the pressure is only partially removed by the festivities.

Remember guys, the number one goal is to get a job. There's nothing like heading off to a day in an office populated by adults where you can perform the work you do best - and get paid for it.

However, what could be more fantastic than spending a few hours with your offspring out in the snow playing and building? Bittersweet thoughts of under-employment and the stress of the "adult" world are mostly offset by the look of joy on your child's face as a frozen project comes to fruition.

I tend to be cynical, which is one of the reasons why I often place words in "quotation marks" - what is real, what is legitimate, what are the most important things in your life? It's hard to avoid these questions when you're uncertain if you'll ever find a fulfilling/paying job again, and simultaneously doing that thing which everyone says is the most important thing in the world - spending time with your family and working to raise well-adjusted, happy children.

It's a gut-wrenching conundrum.

Especially when your kid looks at you, snowflakes stuck to hair, eyes agleam, red-cheeked and smiling, and says, "Dad, you're the best dad in the world."

I doubt it, I think to myself. If I were the best dad in the world, I'd have a job, I'd have health insurance, I'd have a good start on his college fund. Instead, I play with him in the snow.

No pithy summation to all this, it's just the way things are right now.