Stay-at-Home Dad Survival Guide Getting Dressed
Getting Dressed
Tuesday, 09 December 2008 19:45
I did not stay at home today.
In fact, I'm in Seattle right now. The ability to do this is a luxury most SAHD's may not have. Fortunately, we have someone who cares for the kids while the wife works at home and that gives me a chance to network in the city. Case in point, I met the director of development at People for Puget Sound riding in the elevator and am meeting with the group this afternoon.
One thing being away from home allows me to do is put a little distance (ahem) between myself and the whole parenting thing.
I was talking on the boat this morning with a friend about my venture. There are others like it, Peter Baylies wrote the Handbook.
My perspective is slightly different. OK, a lot different. I'm a slouch. I've always been something of a slacker and really have a hard time taking things like jobs and personal hygiene seriously.
I found, though, that being a father is the one job you cannot quit. If my wife hadn't gotten me drunk that one night (now two) and taken advantage of me, I may not have ever had to discover this bracing fact. Alas, this is my fate, this is the hand I've been dealt. I can't fold.
Before you think me too much of an ass, let me temper the above by saying, I really really want to do a good job of this. It's important, and despite all the cynical drivel I spew, I like it. I mean there are those moments when you see your kid do something or say something fantastic and you think, damn, does that kid have great genes, or what?!
Writing about such pretty poignancy is not my forte.
That said, I know things. I've done this before and I know things the first-time dad might appreciate. Additionally, better dads than I might pick up a thing or two (shortcuts and/or a laugh).
To wit, another tip (I've lost count) one on getting dressed. I don't remember learning how to get dressed. I'm barely proficient at it now. Yet, I'm frequently called upon to put clothes on a three-year old.
This is a lot easier than attaching the first diaper after cleaning up the tar plug at the hospital, an act best left to filipina nurses who are far more adept than I. Not always having a filipina nurse around is a household deficiency which, sadly, I cannot rectify.
So, getting dressed.
First, remember the David Mamet acronym, ABC: Always Be Coaching (or something like that). You don't want to have to dress your child forever. Teach them to do it themselves. Our little one goes to preschool two days a week (not nearly enough, true). He puts his own shoes on there, but he still wants me to put them on at home. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to let him get away with this.
"Sleeve up, elbow down." Say it every time you take off a shirt. Eventually, he'll figure it out.
Teach left and right. The legs are going into pants, you might as well use that time to expand his knowledge base.
Make a donut. Y'all may know this one. Don't try to put pants on two legs at a time. Scrunch up one pantleg and create an easier target - the pantleg donut.
Ditto for shirt collars.
My boys got big brain-buckets, I don't throw the shirt over their noggins and pull it down from the bottom. I gotta stretch that head-hole out and squeeze their melons through.
When they're small, getting 'em clothed is even harder, it's like slipping pantyhose on an octopus. Plus, in the tender years you can't get away with kneeling on their chest to keep them still.
Maybe everyone else knew this stuff before they got into fatherhood and I just missed the memo.
One thing's certain, it's a tricky business and you want to do it as little as possible (OK, two things are certain).
The quick takeaway - Get a job, figure out how to do it better, or coach them on how to do it themselves.
I agree, this post's too long. There's probably a naked kid somewhere peeing in a corner.