The Magic Circus

The Magic Circus - Scene 2

Monday, 08 December 2008 22:05

Mary and Monk are sitting in their car in front of Alaska Airlines, Seatac. It's raining. Both looking forward in silence. Monk turns and leans towards Mary, she pulls away. Green Day is playing barely audible on the car stereo, “I hope you have the time of your life”

Monk - I'll call you.

Mary - Right.

Monk - Mary...

Mary - Joe, if you would just spend half as much energy on keeping a job as you do on those freakin’ animals...

Monk - I thought you liked Bud and Nellie.

Mary - (looks at him, pauses) It's not funny anymore.

Monk - It's a little funny.

Mary says nothing, looks ahead. Monk looks at her, then gets out of the car. Opens the back door and pulls out his backpack. Shuts door, stands at curb, leans down to wave into the window. Mary doesn't turn to look, pulls away from Joe. Monk stands and watches her drive off into the rain and out of sight.

Monk turns and walks into the Alaska Airlines terminal, doors slide open, he enters, doors close.

End Scene

The Magic Circus - Scene 1

Monday, 08 December 2008 22:02

Suburban family home exterior, raining, Nirvana’s ‘Polly’ is playing, camera moves into house, music gets louder. Pan through house. The TV is on, no one is watching Spongebob, camera hits on blinking light of ringing phone, Mary picks up the phone and walks to Monk’s studio. Monk, wearing headphones, looks up, turns off music.

Mary (on phone) – Right. uh, huh, OK, Bud, yeah good talking to you, too.

Mary hands Monk phone and leans against wall of his studio.

Bud (loud enough so Mary can hear) – Monkeyboy!

Monk moves phone away from ear, looks at Mary. Mary looks back, arms crossed.

Bud – Loved the invite.

Monk pulls lavishly designed tri-fold invitation in front of him from side of drawing board, it’s designed like a circus tent, opened up it reveals times, dates, attendees for bachelor party:
WHERE
LAX
Monday 8 AM
Pasadena:
Monday Night, Tuesday Night
Las Vegas:
Wednesday Night, Thursday Night
San Francisco:
Friday Night – Rehearsal Dinner, Pacific Union Club
Wedding Saturday, Grace Cathedral, Nob Hill
WHO
Bud, Monk, Nel, Kent, Bilge
WHY
Why not?

The invitation is decorated with circus characters: a koala, a monkey, an elephant, a dog, and a rat in the straw.

Monk – The Aussies got it? (looking at wife)

Bud (deadpan) Ziggy zoggy…

Monk – I guess that’s it then…

Bud – We’ll just get married…T-minus-36 hours, my friend…

Monk – Roger that, I’ll see you on the Internets…

Bud – Roger. Over.

Monk hangs up, looks at Mary who is still standing, arms crossed, leaning against the wall. Mary takes a step towards him, leans down, holds up one finger.

Mary – You are not going.

Monk - Honey...

Mary holds up another finger, silences him with a look and walks away. Monk goes back to the drawing board. Doodling with his circus characters, they come to life on the page. His 8-year old son, Junior, walks in and leans close to his Dad to see what he was drawing.

The characters stop moving.

Junior - What's happening?

Monk looks at Junior, then back to the page, pointing with his pencil.

Monk – Bilge is training the rats for a roller derby bout. The Circus is creating a new act for a big, big show, but they're running out of money, and Joe the Monkey is running out of ideas.

Junior looks up at Monk

Junior – Is Captain Koala part of the new act?

Monk – Yes, Captain Koala is part of the new act.

Junior – Good. Then it’s bound to be the bomb.

Monk rubs Junior’s hair.

Monk – Let’s hope so, Mookie, let’s hope so…

End scene

The Magic Circus - Cast of Characters

Monday, 08 December 2008 22:02

Now, before those who know me look at this cast and say, hmm...this situation looks familiar, let me point out Joe is a graphic designer not a PR flak; he has one son, not two; and he live in Redmond (land of the Evil Empire aka Microsoft), whereas I prefer to live elsewhere.

Like Joe, though, I do not have a job, which is not to say I am unemployed.

Joe Monk (32), nickname Monkeyboy, an unemployed graphic designer living in Redmond. Best man to Bud
Mary (32) his wife
Junior (8) nickname Mookie, their son
Bud (32), nickname Dr. Snip, the groom to be, vasectomy doctor in LA
Walter (32), Bud's cousin, cropduster

The Australian Groomsmen:
Bilge, real name unknown, (33) computer animation expert
Nelson, nickname Nel or Nellie (34) barrister
Kent, nickname Captain, (31) lead guitar in a popular Australian band

The Bride (28) name, age, occupation unknown and unmentioned
Father of the Bride (to be played by John Ratzenberger [Cliffie])

Clarice (32)
Rachel (8) Clarice's daughter, paternity unclear
Gloria (GPS voice)
Old Indian Man (timeless)
Young Indian Woman (ditto)
Large Black Man

The Magic Circus (animated):
Rat (Bilge)
Dog (Bud)
Koala (Kent)
Wombat – (Wally)
Elephant – (Nellie)
Lion - (Lance)
Hyena - (Harry)
Monkey – (Joe)
The Cat – (Himself)
Female Cat – (Clarice)
Eagle
Assorted others...

I'm happy to answer any questions about the aforementioned. A PowerPoint presentation will be made available as things get complicated and need explication.

No, really, I'm a banjo...

Monday, 08 December 2008 20:52

In 1905, Albert Einstein had what has come to be known as his "Miracle Year" wherein he formulated the theories which fundamentally altered mankind's understanding of our physical world. In that year he reached the fulcrum of his life, that point where all his past experiences met a burst of creative energy and propelled the man and his ideas into the scientific community and eventually into public consciousness where he has resided ever since; his face, name, theories now iconic and synonomous with genius.

As we enter December, I believe my 2008 mirrors Einstein's 1905.

The only difference being that my field of study is the mediocre joke.

Call it Jokology, Funnistics, Punishmentalism or simply sophomoric humor, it has, in short, been nothing less than my life's work. I have devoted myself almost completely, which is to say partially, to the study, pursuit and practice of the most average, inane and puerile forms of comedy on earth.

Now, before you today, on this blog, you have discovered the key to the lock that hides the secrets which explain the punchlines and otherwise sets the table for a feast of fickle blathering...quod erat demonstrandum.

To help those keeping score at home I will introduce a few of the players in this vast (several thousand page-long) prank. We have, of course, The Cat, integral as he is in the plotline of both The Magic Circus (which, scene by scene, will follow this already too long introduction) as well as The Return of the Superbas http://returnofthesuperbas.blogspot.com/. Indeed, he jumps from one to the other with feline grace and a dash of treachery assisted by The Eagle, residing in his mountain aerie, directing movements of lesser beings like Zeus playing chess against a midget playing checkers (more on the midget later [hint: foreshadowing]).

Deeply embedded in The Magic Circus is a plotline reminiscent of Gone Postal http://rantdigseek.blogspot.com/ told; however, in the style of a multi-episode Korean drama, think All My Children except with rodents and amphibians engaged in international intrigue. Gone Postal is a political thriller with the sensibilities of The Daily Show. It's main character is Johnny Boston, a hapless Hitchcokian accidental hero, kind of like a drunk James Bond, eg he plays Blackjack not Baccarat, even though linguistically the latter would be more appropriate.

I wish I could tell you this will all make sense soon. It mightn't. Many of you won't get it. This is the nature of the mediocre joke. Such is life. I'll try to link to appropriate references, and as soon as I figure out this whole hyperlinking thing which I'm sure is quite simple but since it is 5:41 in the AM I don't really want to bother, that may help things run more smoothly. Then again it may not. So, without further adieu I give you The Magic Circus, et al.

Oh, one more thing...I'm a compulsive lyre...