Recently in: The Blog
An Ode to Pork
Sunday, 07 February 2010
Another one from the archives.
An Ode to Pork - Super Bowl Sunday Edition (2003)
They eat it for breakfast,
They eat it at brunch,
They eat it for dinner,
They eat it at lunch.
They eat it in Tampa, Oakland,
Even New York.
Boiled, roasted, fried and smoked,
Of what do I speak,
I speak of Pork!
More than the other white meat,
Pork is the healing meat.
The morning after drinking,
Pork can prevent a stomach sinking,
Be it ham, bacon or sausage,
Pork is the meat that prevents booze toss-age.
Greasy and hot,
It soaks up a lot,
Gives you strength,
When you feel shot.
It's not chicken,
It's not veal,
They don't have the power to heal.
Pork is your friend,
To the very end.
Eat enough,
And that's where it will congeal.
Cook it well, cook it with thoroughness,
If you don't,
Well...
There is trichinosis.
Have no fear, though,
For Pork will heal you,
Wherever you go, whatever you do,
Pork will never make you blue.
Unless you choke,
On bone or gristle,
Without a Heimlich
Projectile missile.
This is so very unlikely,
Not even an issue,
Compared with the pleasure,
Of porcine tissue.
Ah, Pork, I could go on all day,
Singing your praises in every way,
Diced or sliced, hocks and chops,
I truly believe your flesh is tops,
The joy you bring, it never stops,
A meal with Pork, it never flops!
I could continue, forever anon,
But the dinner bell's ringing,
The Pork is on!
Recently in: The Stay-at-Home Dad Survival Guide
Bacon Grease - Part 3
Sunday, 07 February 2010
You can fry onion and garlic in bacon grease - add just about anything - and make something awesome (and usually it's edible). Sometimes I’ll just start frying without any clear idea what I’m gonna do, and just roll with it.
Yesterday, I had a plan. For damn near a week, a pan of bacon grease had been beggin’ for my Jammin’ Clam and Salmon Ciapino.This is it:
Fry two chopped onions and too much garlic in congealed pig fat, transfer to a cauldron (muggles use any big pot), deglaze frying pan with dry white wine, or sweet white wine, or red wine, oh, hell you can deglaze with just about anything, but yesterday I found a cheap jug of white wine and it worked fine. Indeed that wine has many skills.
Add two cans chopped tomatoes, one can tomato sauce, two cans chopped clams (with juice), two cans of salmon (deboned or boned, oddly enough debone and bone mean the same thing, well, sometimes). Drink some white wine.
Pour the frying pan wine/bacon juices into the cauldron. Stir. Drink white wine.
Season to taste. I added pepper, salt, chili powder, crushed red pepper, Italian seasonings…I think that was just about it. Then I had some white wine.
Let simmer for 5 or 6 hours, stirring occasionally; drinking, more or less constantly. Serve with rice or corn bread.
It’s simple yet upgradeable. You can use fresh crab or salmon or shrimp and season with organic basil and fancy stuff like that, but for sheer frugality, making a bunch of food for little money, the above is hard to beat.
Just remember to refrigerate the leftovers. Otherwise you’re gonna have to throw out a big batch of stinky fish stew the next day because you got stupid-loaded, passed out, and forgot to put it away.
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Recently in: Attack of the Flak
Going Rogue Versus Gone Postal
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
On November 17th Sarah Palin's book "Going Rogue" will drop. I think I'll choose the same date to drop my book, "Gone Postal." I'll walk over to where I've got 'em stacked, pick one up, and drop it on my office (bedroom) floor where it will land with a muted thud (much more muted than Palin's book tour through the "real America").
I also think I'll make more money publishing my book than HarperCollins will make off Palin's memoir. She got an advance of anywhere from $1.5 million to $7 million. If that number is $5 million, HarperCollins will need to sell 400,000 copies in order to make any money.
Myself, I've printed 40 copies via createspace and have distributed most of those to the 20 or so people who have pre-ordered. I've also had one online sale. I'm already in the black.
More articles from Attack of the Flak